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Why Do Teens Self-Harm? How to Help Them Stop

As a parent, learning that your teen is self-harming can be really difficult to understand. It’s important to know that for many teens, self-harm is a way to deal with overwhelming emotions, stress, or mental health challenges. It can feel like a way to escape from intense feelings or regain some sense of control when things feel out of their hands. 

While it might be hard to make sense of, self-harm is often a coping mechanism for something deeper. This blog will help explain why teens may engage in this behavior, so you can approach the situation with care and understanding. By recognizing the reasons behind self-harm, you can offer the support your teen needs to find healthier ways to manage their feelings.

Why Do Teens Self-Harm?

Emotional Pain

For many teens, emotional pain can feel like a heavy weight they can’t escape. Feelings of sadness, anger, or frustration can build up and become overwhelming. Sometimes, self-harm might seem like the only way to release that pressure. If a teen is experiencing a deep sadness from a breakup or conflict with friends, in that moment, cutting or hurting themselves can feel like a way to “feel” something— anything — other than the emotional numbness or intensity they can’t seem to control. 

From their point of view, self-harm can provide a temporary break from the emotional chaos, even though it doesn’t fix anything in the long term. It’s a way of coping, but it’s not the only way. When parents understand this emotional struggle, they can respond more empathetically, letting their teen know they don’t have to deal with these feelings alone.

Mental Health Issues

Teens dealing with mental health struggles, like depression or anxiety, often find it hard to explain what they’re feeling. These issues can make everything feel blurry or numb, so much so that a teen might be unable to put their emotions into words. Self-harm, in these cases, can feel like a way to feel “real” again or to escape from the emptiness they feel inside. A teen with depression might feel like they’re stuck in a dark place, and hurting themselves might be the only way they feel they can break through that darkness. 

For a teen with anxiety, the constant worry might feel so overwhelming that they turn to self-harm to regain control over something in their life, even though it’s harmful. In these situations, the teen’s actions aren’t about seeking attention, but about dealing with emotions that feel impossible to manage. 

Pressure or Stress

Teens today face more pressure than adults realize, from school, social media, peer expectations, and family dynamics. For many teens, the weight of this pressure can feel crushing and even lead to burnout. When they can’t meet these expectations, it can lead to feelings of failure or inadequacy. Some teens turn to self-harm as a way to cope with these intense emotions. 

For example, a teen might be struggling to keep up with grades, juggling extracurricular activities, and dealing with social drama, all at once. In those moments, self-harm can feel like the only way to get some control over their emotions. A teen may see cutting as a temporary escape from stress or a way to manage their frustration when it feels like nothing else is in their hands.

Low Self-Esteem

Adolescence is a time when teens are figuring out who they are, and many struggle with feeling like they don’t measure up. Whether it’s worrying about their appearance, social status, or feeling like they’re not good enough, teens can easily develop low self-esteem. Self-harm can sometimes feel like a way to express those feelings of worthlessness. 

A teen who feels like they don’t fit in at school or at home might use self-harm as a way to punish themselves or express their inner pain. They may even feel like they deserve to suffer because they don’t see their own value. Understand that these feelings are real for the teen, and they don’t always know how to manage or communicate them. 

Control

Teens often feel like their lives are controlled by others—parents, teachers, friends, and even society. This loss of control can lead to frustration and feelings of helplessness. Self-harm can become a way for teens to feel like they have some power over their lives. 

For example, a teen might be going through a tough time at home or school and feel like they have no say in what happens next. In those moments, hurting themselves might feel like a way to take control of their own body, something they can decide for themselves, even if it’s in a harmful way. For some teens, self-harm provides a temporary sense of relief from the chaos in their life. 

What to Do if You Suspect Your Teen is Harming Themselves

If you suspect that your teen may be suicidal or in immediate danger, it’s crucial to seek professional help right away. Suicidal thoughts and actions require urgent attention. Call a mental health professional, counselor, or helpline to ensure your teen gets the support they need. If you’re unsure where to turn, don’t hesitate to contact a local hospital or emergency services.

Even if your teen’s self-harm doesn’t seem directly linked to suicidal thoughts, it’s still important to encourage professional help for any level of self-harm. A counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist can provide the specialized support that your teen needs. In addition to seeking professional help, here are some steps to support your teen in this challenging time.

1. Stay Calm and Open to Listening

It’s natural to feel shocked or upset if you discover that your teen is cutting themselves, but try your best to stay calm. Reacting with anger or frustration can push them away and make it harder for them to open up. Approach the situation with a mindset of care and understanding. Let them know you’re there to listen without judgment. 

Create a safe space for them to share their feelings, and remind them that expressing their emotions is okay. The more they feel heard, the more likely they are to be open about what’s going on in their lives.

2. Gently Encourage Them to Talk About It

When you’re ready to talk, approach the conversation with sensitivity. Avoid jumping straight into questions about why they’re cutting themselves. Instead, gently ask if they want to talk about what led to their actions. 

Sometimes, self-harm is a response to overwhelming feelings, so understanding those emotions is key. It can be helpful to ask, “What are you feeling right now?” or “How can I help?” This encourages them to express their emotions without feeling forced or interrogated.

3. Seek Professional Help

Self-harm can be a sign of underlying mental health issues like depression, anxiety, or trauma. Recognize that your teen may need professional help to address these issues. Encourage your teens to see a therapist or counselor who can guide them through their feelings and teach them healthier coping mechanisms. Therapy can help them understand why they’re self-harming and provide them with the tools to cope in healthier ways. If they’re hesitant, reassure them that therapy is a supportive and confidential space where they can express themselves safely.

4. Be Involved Without Being Overbearing

Strike a balance between offering support and giving them the space they need: support your teen without invading their privacy. Being overbearing — constantly checking in, interrogating, or pushing them too hard — can make them feel trapped or even more isolated. Teens are at a stage in life where they are trying to establish their independence and sense of self. If they feel like they’re being smothered or controlled, they might withdraw even further, making it harder for you to connect with them or help them.

Keep the lines of communication open by letting them know you’re available if they need to talk, but also give them some space to process their emotions without pressure. Being involved in their life without overwhelming them can help rebuild trust and make it easier for them to come to you when they’re ready.

5. Help Them Find Healthier Coping Mechanisms

Teens may cut themselves because they don’t know how to deal with difficult emotions. Introducing them to healthier ways to manage these feelings can be a game-changer. Journaling, drawing, exercising, or practicing deep breathing can help them healthily express their emotions. Try to engage with them in finding what works, whether it’s by encouraging them to try different activities or simply showing them that there are alternatives to self-harm.

6. Set Boundaries While Offering Support

Make it clear that self-harming is never an acceptable way to cope, but avoid doing this in a way that makes them feel punished or shamed. Let them know that while you’re committed to helping them, it’s your job to keep them safe. Working together to find solutions can help both of you feel more empowered and aligned as you move forward.

Help Your Teen Heal with Mental Health Treatment

If your teen is struggling with self-harm or other mental health challenges, Imagine by Northpoint can provide the support they need. Our teen mental health programs are designed to help them build healthier coping strategies, manage their emotions, and address the underlying issues contributing to their struggles. Contact us today to learn how we can support your teen on their journey to healing.