Low self-esteem is something many teens face, often without fully understanding why they feel the way they do. It can affect how they see themselves, interact with others, and approach new experiences. As a parent or caregiver, it’s important to recognize the signs of low self-esteem and provide the right kind of support.
In this post, we’ll explore what low self-esteem looks like in teens and share practical ways you can help them build confidence and develop a healthier self-image.
What Does Low Self-Esteem in Teens Look Like?
The signs of low self-esteem can vary, but noticing a pattern of behaviors like these could indicate that a teen is struggling with low self-esteem:
- Constantly negative self-talk (e.g., “I’m not good enough” or “I always mess up”)
- Difficulty accepting compliments or brushing them off
- Avoiding new challenges or activities out of fear of failure
- Being overly critical of themselves or focusing on their flaws
- Withdrawal from friends or social activities
- Sensitivity to criticism or feeling easily embarrassed
- Frequently seeking validation or reassurance from others
- Struggles with decision-making or second-guessing their choices
- Over-apologizing or feeling like they are always at fault
- Comparing themselves negatively to others, especially on social media
- Excessive worry about what others think or fear of being judged
- Body image issues or negative comments about their appearance
1. Encourage Open Communication
Teens need to feel like they can talk to someone without fear of judgment. Let them know you’re there to listen, and when they open up, focus on listening more than speaking. Ask open-ended questions like, “How are you feeling about that?” or “What do you think would help right now?”
Avoid interrupting or jumping to solutions immediately. Sometimes they just need to vent. By listening without rushing to fix things, you build trust and show them that their feelings matter. Try setting aside regular time each week just to check in with them.
How to Put it Into Practice:
If your teen seems distant, initiate conversations with empathy. You might say, “I’m here for you whenever you’re ready to talk” or “It’s okay if you’re not feeling great right now. Let’s talk about it when you’re ready.” The key is consistency and patience.
2. Focus on Their Strengths
Help your teen recognize their unique abilities. Create opportunities for them to use their strengths in daily life. If they enjoy drawing, encourage them to take on creative projects, like making posters for school events or designing things for their room.
If they’re good at sports, praise their effort and dedication, not just the wins. Remind them that strengths aren’t only about performance but also include qualities like kindness, perseverance, or being a good listener.
How to Put it Into Practice:
Make a habit of pointing out their strengths when you see them in action. Say things like, “I noticed how patient you were with your friend today—that’s a real strength,” or “You always put so much effort into your art. That’s something special.” This helps them see themselves in a more positive light.
3. Promote Healthy Social Interactions
The people teens spend time with have a big impact on how they see themselves. Encourage your teen to join clubs, sports teams, or groups where they can meet new, supportive friends. Be mindful of who they’re spending time with, and if you notice negative influences, gently talk to them about how those relationships make them feel. Sometimes teens may not realize how certain people affect their self-esteem until you help them see it.
How to Put it Into Practice:
Suggest trying out new activities, like volunteering, a hobby club, or a sport. You might say, “I’ve noticed you seem happier after spending time with friends who support you. Maybe joining that new club could help you meet more people like that.” Help them identify social groups where they can feel a sense of belonging.
4. Set Realistic Goals
Setting goals is a great way to help your teen feel accomplished, but it’s important that the goals are achievable. Start by breaking big tasks into smaller, manageable steps. For example, if your teen wants to improve their grades, focus on one subject at a time or set a goal to complete homework each night for 30 minutes. Celebrate every small victory, even if it’s just turning in an assignment on time. Over time, these small wins contribute to building self-esteem in teens.
How to Put it Into Practice:
Work with your teen to write down one or two goals and the steps to achieve them. Keep the goals visible, like on a calendar or whiteboard, so they can track their progress. Praise their effort as they go, even if the results aren’t perfect. This teaches them that progress is more important than perfection.
5. Encourage Positive Self-Talk
Teens often internalize negative thoughts like “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never be able to do this.” Help them challenge those thoughts by introducing more balanced and positive thought patterns. Teach them to recognize when they’re being overly critical and replace those thoughts with something more constructive, like “This is hard, but I’m doing my best” or “I made a mistake, but I can learn from it.” You can even create a list of positive affirmations together.
How to Put it Into Practice:
When you hear your teen speaking negatively about themselves, step in and gently correct it. For example, if they say, “I’ll never pass this test,” respond with, “You’re putting in the effort, and that matters. Let’s make a plan to help you feel more prepared.” Over time, this helps them reframe their thinking to be more self-compassionate.
6. Model Healthy Self-Esteem
Your teen watches how you handle your own self-esteem. If they see you being hard on yourself or not taking care of your mental health, they might do the same. Show them what healthy self-esteem looks like by speaking kindly to yourself and practicing self-care. When you make a mistake, model how to respond with patience and grace. Let them see that everyone has tough days, but it’s how you bounce back that counts.
How to Put it Into Practice:
Be mindful of how you talk about yourself in front of your teen. Instead of saying things like “I can’t believe I messed that up,” try saying, “That didn’t go as planned, but I’ll do better next time.” This sets a positive example of how to handle mistakes and challenges with resilience.
7. Limit Social Media
Social media can negatively impact self-esteem because it’s easy for teens to compare themselves to others. Encourage them to take regular breaks from social media or set limits on how much time they spend online.
Help them understand that what they see on social media isn’t always real, and comparing themselves to others is unhealthy. Instead, suggest activities that keep them engaged offline, like going for a walk, practicing a hobby, or spending time with family.
How to Put it Into Practice:
Set up tech-free times at home, like during meals or an hour before bed. Encourage your teen to spend that time doing something they enjoy, like reading or a creative project. You can also talk to them about social media by asking, “How do you feel after scrolling through Instagram?” and helping them recognize any negative effects.
8. Consider Professional Support
If your teen’s low self-esteem seems persistent or is affecting their daily life, it might be time to seek professional help. Therapists and counselors can provide your teen with strategies to build their confidence and cope with negative thoughts. Therapy offers a safe, non-judgmental space where they can explore their feelings and learn new tools for self-growth.
How to Put it Into Practice:
Talk to your teen about therapy in a way that makes it feel normal and helpful, not like there’s something “wrong” with them. You might say, “Talking to a counselor could give you new ways to feel better about yourself. Lots of people go to therapy, and it can make a big difference.” If they’re hesitant, offer to help them find a counselor they’re comfortable with.
Give Your Teen the Tools to Build Self-Esteem
Supporting a teen with low self-esteem can be challenging, but with the right guidance and encouragement, it’s possible to help them rebuild their confidence and find a healthier sense of self-worth. Whether it’s through open communication, setting realistic goals, or modeling positive behavior, every small step can make a big difference in their emotional well-being.
At Imagine by Northpoint, our teen treatment programs are designed to help teens struggling with self-esteem, anxiety, and other mental health challenges. Our experienced team provides the tools and support needed to empower teens and guide them toward a brighter future.
Contact us today to learn more about how our programs can help your teen thrive.